Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in gritschck's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
11:25 am	Different today... So Valentine's day is usually a day I dread. Wether it's because I don't have a date, or I have a boyfriend but he can't get off his ass and come see me, even though he had the time and the money, or because I have to spend the day alone when I have someone in mind I wish I could spend it with. But it'd different this year. I am still single, with no prospect of a date, and I don't want one. I actually turned down one. I have been thinking a lot about it and I am so glad I am single today. First of all because if I had someone we would be spending the day apart because I am in another country. Second of all because I would probably be with the wrong person. Someone who is wrong for me. Someone who doesn't treat me right. I would much rather be single that be with any of my exboyfriends. I have had exeptionally bad taste in boyfriends all my life. My taste has finally changed, hence my singleness. But I don't care. I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person. Also, Valentine's Day now makes me think of my grandmother. It was a year ago today that I found out she had cancer, and it has been quite a year since. I remember always getting candy from her on Valentines day and last year was the first year that didn't happen. I just am thinking about her and thinking about being single. At least she is getting healthy again. Who cares if I don't have a boyfriend? My family is happy and healthy and I have a great group of friends in two continents. So I can sincerely say Happy Valentines Day!!!!! Current Mood: indescribable (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
5:24 am	Damn the wind!!!! The stupid wind broke my umbrella yesterday and now I have nothing to protect me from the wind and the rain. How does a gust of wind bend metal bars on an umbrella? Seriously? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
10:34 pm	Goodbye... I am sitting here looking at the mess that is my room, thinking about how it seems like yesterday I was sitting here and unpacking looking at the whole break looming ahead of me. I just wanted to post and thank everyone who has taken the time to see me. I was really afraid that while I was gone for so long, my friends would forget me, just a little. But being here, seeing you all, I have felt more appreciated and loved than I ever thought possible. I just hope that you all continue to remember me while I'm gone this spring, because I am thinking about all of you everyday, in France. I am already missing you guys and I love you all. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
7:20 pm	Yay, I'm special! <td style="text-align: center; font-size: 16px; (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
7:12 pm	What's the deal? I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am having the fall break of a lifetime! I spent a few days in Ireland and now I am in London for a week. During the day I am great. I am doing all the tourist-y things I should be doing and then some. I have a great time. But at night (which starts at like 4 in the afternoon here) I am so depressed it is not even funny. I just think about home and my family and how much I miss everything and everybody! I just feel like I can't stand it sometimes. I almost wish I was back in Caen and going to classes. Then there would be so much more to fill up my time and everyday would pass more quickly. I don't mean for it to sound like I hate it here. I don't. It's a great experience I will never forget and I know that. but at the same time I love my home and I never knew just how much until I left it. I cannot wait to be home for Christmas. I even miss work a little bit. Don't tell. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: London Calling (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
9:01 am	Sometimes... Sometimes, I just wonder what if I had said what I was feeling or thinking when I wanted to. What if I told her she hurt me? What if I told him how much I cared? What If i said for them to butt out or shut up? Would my life be different? WOuld I have some of the things I want or would I have lost friends and damaged relationships along the way? I want to scream how I feel from the rooftops, but instead I sit quietly and imagine. I have become quite the daydreamer here and I still wonder, what if? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Let it be by the Beatles (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
7:31 am	Abandonner I feel really selfish right now. I have a lot of friends back home and almost all of them are going through some form of crap or another. A lot of them have said, I would normally talk to you about this but you aren't here and I don't know who to turn to. Others have found people to turn to. I just want to apologize to those of you who have needed me and I have not been there. I wish I could be but this is something I have to do right now. If you can save some of the drama when I am there for Christmas, I will have enough shoulders for everyone, I promise. Current Mood: guilty Current Music: Simple Plan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 30th, 2006
11:43 am	Thank god phone cards cards are complicated. Ok, so a few of my friends and I have a tradition where we get together for dinner every friday night at someones dorm. Last night was my night and I decided to include alcohol in to the gathering. Split between 4 girls, 12 bottles of smirnoff ice, 2 bottles of champagne and 3 bottles of wine later, I felt I should share my good mood with everyone back home. I went downstairs with a list of numbers to call and a full phone card. These girls are completely unaware of what damage I tend to do with drunk dialing. They were all pretty ready to make some phone calls themselves. I could not even get past dialing the pin number for the card. Thank god those things are so damn complicated, or some of you might have gotten some very interesting messages last night. Just wanted to say, that's one good thing about being over here. It is impossible to drunk dial. Yay for that at least. Current Mood: cold Current Music: el Tango de Roxanne (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
7:31 am	New Theme Song "Extraordinary" You think that I go home at night Take off my clothes, turn out the lights But I burn letters that I write To you, to make you love me Yeah, I drive naked through the park And run the stop sign in the dark Stand in the street, yell out my heart To make, to make you love me I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess Average every day sane psycho You may not believe in me But I believe in you So I still take the trash out Does that make me too normal for you? So dig a little deeper, cause You still don't get it yet See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix And I'll make, I'll make you love me I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess See me jump through hoops for you You stand there watching me performing What exactly do you do? Have you ever thought it's you that's boring? Who the hell are you? I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess Average every day sane psycho Current Mood: confused Current Music: Extraordinary (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
3:01 pm	Grrrr.... Grey's season 2 is out today and I'm in fucking france. I tried watching some family guy which helped, but now I want volume 2 of that. Damn it!!!! Current Mood: cranky Current Music: U + UR Hand (Comment on this)
Friday, September 8th, 2006
2:47 pm	Shit upon shit upon shit So it's back. The cancer. And it doesn't look good. For any of you that I didn't tell, my grandmother was diagnosed with very advanced cancer last year and we were told she wouldn't live. Well she really didn't want to live so she was happy as a clam. But after we urged her she had the treatments and after several scares we were told that the cancer was gone. My mom emailed me today to let me know that they have done a scan and it is back and it doesn't look good. She hasn't been making any effort to get better and move on with her life. She's been waiting for a relapse so she can die. She feels like her job on Earth is done and she doesn't want to work anymore. Basicallt she has decided that she wants to quit life. I've been pissed at my grandmother ever since she was diagnosed. Why would i be mad at someone with cancer? Well because she was sick for months but refused to go to the doctor and even didn't come to Christmas with the family so no one would ask her questions about why she wasn't eating. How selfish? And finally when she does go to the doctor and finds out what is wrong, she says she just wants to sit around and not do anything. She finally agrees to treatments but then decides that she does not want to allow any of her grandchildren to see her. For the smaller ones, I can understand this. But for those of us who could help? Who wanted to help? She banned us as well. I was so pissed. This woman was going through something terrible, yes. But she had brought it on herself. The doctor said it could have been operable if she had justgone in to have it looked at. But she waited and waited until it was too late. She missed out on what was possibly the last Christmas she would have with her family. She would not allow the people who loved her to see her. Finally, it was all over and she let us in. I finally got to see her for the first time in months. I walk in, try to give her a hug and she shrugs me off. Then when I try to talk to her, she basically dismisses me, says have a nice trip, even though I was not going for a month and a half, and gives me her hand to shake. TO SHAKE! I am her granddaughter. I love her. I asked to be allowed to help take care of her. Begged to be able to see her. Cried at night for fear I would get the call with the news. I love my family and the thought of a piece of us missing kills me. And she tries to shake my hand? I moved it away and hugged her. I deserved a hug from my grandmother since she obviously wasn't planning on seeing me for another year. And now I'm here, away from everyone,and it's back, and this time I have to go through it all alone. Except it all basically adds up to her death because she has already said if she relapses, she will not have treatments. She will just go. Anyway, I know this has been a long entry but I'm bummed. Thanks for those of you who stuck through it and read it all. Current Mood: sad Current Music: IPOD Randomness (2 Comments |Comment on this)
5:45 am	Thank you I just want to thank you all. You responded so qucikly and made me feel so missed. It is nice to know that I am not stranded out here and completely forgotten by my friends back home. You all mean so much to me and this experience would be a million times better if I could see you all or talkto you everyday, the way i used to. I miss you all so much!!!!!! Current Mood: tired Current Music: French gibberish (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
1:22 pm	So it actually happened. I'm actually here living the dream. Well not everyones dream but it has been mine for so long that I don't know what else I would do if i did not do this. To be totally honest I'm terrified. I'm standing out on a limb and there is no net and no one trying to pull me back. I' pretty much totally alone which is a first for me since I am usually surrounded by people I am familiar with, and I love. Now I'm a continent away with an ocean separating me from everyone and everything that is familiar ad safe. The what if? scenarios run through my head like scenes from a movie and my own fears hold me back in more ways than I can say. To be frank about it, I am just now beginning to realize that everything I used to take for granted, is everything that I long for now. I never knew I would love a place so much. I miss the familiarity of my town, my university, my home. I miss the people who were always there for me. I know they are still there but I cannot lean on them the way I used to. Not that that's a bad thing but I miss the safeness. I don't want to make it sound like this whole experience is awful. It's not. I really love the town I'm in and it's been a fairly good experience so far. But i'm only just now appreciating home and I want to go back with my newly opened eyes. But i guess I have more to learn here and so I have to stick it out. Classes start soon so maybe that will help. I don't know. For now, I just miss home and everyone who made it so special to me. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: El Tango de Roxanne (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
11:59 pm	Good advice... Do not read letters from, look at pictures of, or read old journals about ex-boyfriends. ESPECIALLY when you are feeling lonely. AAAAHHHH!!! I should just burn all this shit! I can be so stupid sometimes. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Sex and the City in the background (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
7:10 pm	Response... First of all, if I snapped I'm sorry but you all were being extremely loud and I had a huge headache. Second of all, I could have asked Autumn because she is free that hour but you said you were staying so I didn't ask her. You were not clear so that is your fault. Last week when I actually got off work early I had every intention of taking a nap, which is a luxury I am hardly ever afforded, but instead I did you a favor and did a job i HATE, I did not get my nap and when I got done you weren't even there anymore, so excuse me for thinking that you would stay for a half an hour today. As for "blowing off my responsibility", I had to take care of something that was of great importance. I do not avoid working at the SAC because I actually ENJOY working at the SAC. I had something to take care of and it was not pleasant but I did it because that is what I do. Sometimes I have to do things that I don't like to do, and I don't like to leave work early but I had to. Give me a fucking break. Also, the next time you have something to say to me, say it TO me and not on the internet. I mean, I know that you have forgotten that a lot of people exist but you do practically live here so you would think you could find the time to say something to me. Shove THAT were the sun don't shine! Current Mood: pretty fucking mad (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
12:31 am	I am so on the ball So tonight I have showered, shaved, done laundry, studied for a test, made up flash cards for that test, folded clothes, changed the sheets on my bed, taken out my trash, balanced my checkbook, paid all of my bills (somehow I still have money in my account), blow dried and straightened my hair, and still have had time to eat some cheesecake. Is it possible that I have gotten my act together? Is it possible that I am a grown up now. I am sitting here because I cannot think of anything else to do. OMG!!!! I actually have five free minutes before I go to bed. I actually have time to write a journal. Hello world! I actually exist here again! So huge things happening in my life of the two largest, I can't really talk about one. However, I did get the news last week that next year, for 2 semesters, I will be in Caen France!!!!! It's in Normandy, about 2 hours away from paris. Guess where I'll be spending every weekend, and all my money!!! Omg, this is so huge for me. My mom said that the first time I mentioned living in France, I was 4. 4 years old and I knew what I wanted to do and now I am actually doing it!!!!! Congratulate me folks. I have arrived! Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Will and Grace in the background (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
12:36 am	Sick Omg, my head is going to explode and my eyes are going to pop out of my head. I HATE being sick. And the worst part is I'm out of medecine and I can't get any until tomorrow. I hate this. Current Mood: sick Current Music: Dane Cook (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
7:23 pm	Stolen from the big bro... 1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? I say hi to him when I pass him in the halls but other than that not really. 2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons? have a whole lot of ice cream 3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? the oldies with my dad 4. What is the best thing about your job? it pays pretty well and i get to work with 4 really good friends 5. Do you like more than one person right now? lets not get into that. 6. Are you against same sex marraige? not at all. fair is fair. 8. Where are you going on your next vacation? I have no idea 9. Do you feel sad now? yes but it won't change so I just have to get over it. 10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old? mostly new but I do stay in touch with some special old ones 11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? nope 13. If you could be an animal what would you be? i guess a horse or a bird. prolly a bird. fast travel. 14. What state/country are you from? Louisiana baby!!!!!!! 15. Tell us about the last conversation: convo with the bro asking him if he wants to work out tonight. 16. Where do you see yourself in one month? Hopefully skinnier, healthier, and goin to France! 17. What is your favorite smell? prolly mom's cooking. although axe cologne on the right guy is nice. 18. What is your favorite sight? i couldn't possibly pick something. I have a lot of favorite sights 19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar? no. that's a random question 21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworker? Not that they didn't deserve 22. Have you ever gone to therapy? No, never have 23. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle? Yes, with fantastic results 24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone's house? no 25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? All the time 26. Have you ever gone camping? Once when I was 5. I was scared that the bears would get me the whole time 27. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's friend? Ummmm. I will not answer that one... ever. 28. Have you ever been to a nude beach? yes 29. Have you ever had sex on the beach? that is an awfully personal question. no 30. Have you ever had a stalker? sort of. he was a freaky guy in grade school and still is. 31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yes... many times 32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yes, especially during funny movies or when my brother is being funny. 33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober person? Yes, let's not go there 34. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes 35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend? which best friend and which time? 36. Have you ever lied to your parents? Yes, I used to all the time, but now that Im on my own I can tell them the truth about most things. 37. Have you ever been out of the US? Yes, to Britain in the summer of 02 with the fam and then again in the summer of 04 to France! 38. Have you ever thrown up from working out? nope 39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight? No 40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day? yeah, usually on vacation. 42. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on? I don't think I've ever been that desperate 43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers? No. I've never really worked with anyone I would sleep with. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 44. Have you ever seen your best friend naked? Yes 45. Who was the last person you kissed? again, let's not go there. thinking about that kinda makes me sad now. 46. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours? I can't remember 47. Have you ever been to jail? No. 48. Who is your best friend(s)? My big bro is the only one I can name. I'm afarid of naming people and others getting mad. BTW, my bro did not name me on this question which saddens me. 49. Have you ever stolen anything? Yes 50. Have you ever drank egg nog? No, and I never want to 51. Have you ever had a crush on a friends parent? Sean, I have seen your dad in his tighty whities, so I would have to say that's the closestI'll ever get. 52. Have you ever gotten mad because you weren't on someone's top 8 on myspace? not mad but I have noticed it. 53. What is your worst fear? I'm not afraid of anything 54. Have you ever watched a movie 5 times in a row? Probably but i can't remember right now. Current Mood: sick Current Music: Friends in the background (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
8:26 am	Bored again... EVERYONE HAS THEIR FIRSTS: First real best friend: Leah First school: Strathmoor Preschool First Cell phone: I shared a crappy phone with my mom in high school. First funeral: Grand-dad on my dad's side when I was 4. First pet: Ladybug the dog First piercing/tattoo: I got my ears pierced when I was 12, and I got a tattoo when I was 18. First big trip: My whole extended family on my mom's side went to Gulf Shores when I was 3. First flight: to Washington D.C. I won an essay contest and got to go to the Holocaust Museum when I was 14. First celebrity love: Leonardo DiCaprio First time out of the country? Europe when I was 17. First job: Ice Cream Palace when I was 16. First MySpace friend? Tom, and then Brittany. EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS: Last person you hugged: Brit Last car ride: Home from the center last night Last time you cried? I never cry (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) Last movie you watched: Groundhog Day (on Groundhog Day) Last food you ate: jello Last person of the opposite sex that you talked to: Dad Last item bought: Coffee Last shirt worn: gray bellarmine shirt Last phone call: Justin Last text message: Mom Last thing you touched: The keyboard or the cup of coffee. Last Funeral: My great aunt. Last time at the mall: With Brit a few days ago. Last time you were excited about something: Can't remember. I'm not easily excited. Last person you saw besides your family: My boss Laura Last thing you drank: Coffee Last Person that broke your Heart: Let's not get into that. I'm still dealing with it. Last time you were really honestly happy: Probably over the weekend watching serena. Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Saved by the Bell in the background (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
6:22 pm	Announcement to all... I have officially accepted the fact that I am a jerk magnet. If there is a jerk in a 100 mile radius, and I am not aware that he is a jerk, I am completely attracted to him. However, once I realize he is a jerk I stay away from him. My problem is sometimes not realizing they are jerks until too late. Please, all my friends out there, do not introduce me to any jerks. I will like them and waste my energy on them. Why can't I find a nice guy? I am beginning to think they don't exist. At least I've never met one. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)