Follow the bread crumbs...

Different today...

2007-02-14T16:45:50Z

So Valentine's day is usually a day I dread. Wether it's because I don't have a date, or I have a boyfriend but he can't get off his ass and come see me, even though he had the time and the money, or because I have to spend the day alone when I have someone in mind I wish I could spend it with. But it'd different this year. I am still single, with no prospect of a date, and I don't want one. I actually turned down one. I have been thinking a lot about it and I am so glad I am single today. First of all because if I had someone we would be spending the day apart because I am in another country. Second of all because I would probably be with the wrong person. Someone who is wrong for me. Someone who doesn't treat me right. I would much rather be single that be with any of my exboyfriends. I have had exeptionally bad taste in boyfriends all my life. My taste has finally changed, hence my singleness. But I don't care. I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
Also, Valentine's Day now makes me think of my grandmother. It was a year ago today that I found out she had cancer, and it has been quite a year since. I remember always getting candy from her on Valentines day and last year was the first year that didn't happen. I just am thinking about her and thinking about being single. At least she is getting healthy again. Who cares if I don't have a boyfriend? My family is happy and healthy and I have a great group of friends in two continents. So I can sincerely say Happy Valentines Day!!!!!

Damn the wind!!!!

2007-02-13T10:30:49Z

The stupid wind broke my umbrella yesterday and now I have nothing to protect me from the wind and the rain. How does a gust of wind bend metal bars on an umbrella? Seriously?

Goodbye...

2007-01-25T03:34:57Z

I am sitting here looking at the mess that is my room, thinking about how it seems like yesterday I was sitting here and unpacking looking at the whole break looming ahead of me. I just wanted to post and thank everyone who has taken the time to see me. I was really afraid that while I was gone for so long, my friends would forget me, just a little. But being here, seeing you all, I have felt more appreciated and loved than I ever thought possible. I just hope that you all continue to remember me while I'm gone this spring, because I am thinking about all of you everyday, in France. I am already missing you guys and I love you all.

Yay, I'm special!

2006-11-03T00:20:57Z

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What's the deal?

2006-10-29T19:36:06Z

I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am having the fall break of a lifetime! I spent a few days in Ireland and now I am in London for a week. During the day I am great. I am doing all the tourist-y things I should be doing and then some. I have a great time. But at night (which starts at like 4 in the afternoon here) I am so depressed it is not even funny. I just think about home and my family and how much I miss everything and everybody! I just feel like I can't stand it sometimes. I almost wish I was back in Caen and going to classes. Then there would be so much more to fill up my time and everyday would pass more quickly. I don't mean for it to sound like I hate it here. I don't. It's a great experience I will never forget and I know that. but at the same time I love my home and I never knew just how much until I left it. I cannot wait to be home for Christmas. I even miss work a little bit. Don't tell.

Sometimes...

2006-10-26T13:09:04Z

Sometimes, I just wonder what if I had said what I was feeling or thinking when I wanted to. What if I told her she hurt me? What if I told him how much I cared? What If i said for them to butt out or shut up? Would my life be different? WOuld I have some of the things I want or would I have lost friends and damaged relationships along the way? I want to scream how I feel from the rooftops, but instead I sit quietly and imagine. I have become quite the daydreamer here and I still wonder, what if?

Abandonner

2006-10-18T11:32:30Z

I feel really selfish right now. I have a lot of friends back home and almost all of them are going through some form of crap or another. A lot of them have said, I would normally talk to you about this but you aren't here and I don't know who to turn to. Others have found people to turn to. I just want to apologize to those of you who have needed me and I have not been there. I wish I could be but this is something I have to do right now. If you can save some of the drama when I am there for Christmas, I will have enough shoulders for everyone, I promise.

Thank god phone cards cards are complicated.

2006-09-30T15:52:36Z

Ok, so a few of my friends and I have a tradition where we get together for dinner every friday night at someones dorm. Last night was my night and I decided to include alcohol in to the gathering. Split between 4 girls, 12 bottles of smirnoff ice, 2 bottles of champagne and 3 bottles of wine later, I felt I should share my good mood with everyone back home. I went downstairs with a list of numbers to call and a full phone card. These girls are completely unaware of what damage I tend to do with drunk dialing. They were all pretty ready to make some phone calls themselves. I could not even get past dialing the pin number for the card. Thank god those things are so damn complicated, or some of you might have gotten some very interesting messages last night. Just wanted to say, that's one good thing about being over here. It is impossible to drunk dial. Yay for that at least.

New Theme Song

2006-09-13T11:33:19Z

"Extraordinary"

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me

Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?

So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Grrrr....

2006-09-12T19:03:34Z

Grey's season 2 is out today and I'm in fucking france. I tried watching some family guy which helped, but now I want volume 2 of that. Damn it!!!!

Shit upon shit upon shit

2006-09-08T18:47:49Z

So it's back. The cancer. And it doesn't look good. For any of you that I didn't tell, my grandmother was diagnosed with very advanced cancer last year and we were told she wouldn't live. Well she really didn't want to live so she was happy as a clam. But after we urged her she had the treatments and after several scares we were told that the cancer was gone. My mom emailed me today to let me know that they have done a scan and it is back and it doesn't look good. She hasn't been making any effort to get better and move on with her life. She's been waiting for a relapse so she can die. She feels like her job on Earth is done and she doesn't want to work anymore. Basicallt she has decided that she wants to quit life.
I've been pissed at my grandmother ever since she was diagnosed. Why would i be mad at someone with cancer? Well because she was sick for months but refused to go to the doctor and even didn't come to Christmas with the family so no one would ask her questions about why she wasn't eating. How selfish? And finally when she does go to the doctor and finds out what is wrong, she says she just wants to sit around and not do anything. She finally agrees to treatments but then decides that she does not want to allow any of her grandchildren to see her. For the smaller ones, I can understand this. But for those of us who could help? Who wanted to help? She banned us as well. I was so pissed. This woman was going through something terrible, yes. But she had brought it on herself. The doctor said it could have been operable if she had justgone in to have it looked at. But she waited and waited until it was too late. She missed out on what was possibly the last Christmas she would have with her family. She would not allow the people who loved her to see her. Finally, it was all over and she let us in. I finally got to see her for the first time in months. I walk in, try to give her a hug and she shrugs me off. Then when I try to talk to her, she basically dismisses me, says have a nice trip, even though I was not going for a month and a half, and gives me her hand to shake. TO SHAKE! I am her granddaughter. I love her. I asked to be allowed to help take care of her. Begged to be able to see her. Cried at night for fear I would get the call with the news. I love my family and the thought of a piece of us missing kills me. And she tries to shake my hand? I moved it away and hugged her. I deserved a hug from my grandmother since she obviously wasn't planning on seeing me for another year. And now I'm here, away from everyone,and it's back, and this time I have to go through it all alone. Except it all basically adds up to her death because she has already said if she relapses, she will not have treatments. She will just go.
Anyway, I know this has been a long entry but I'm bummed. Thanks for those of you who stuck through it and read it all.

Thank you

2006-09-08T09:48:43Z

I just want to thank you all. You responded so qucikly and made me feel so missed. It is nice to know that I am not stranded out here and completely forgotten by my friends back home. You all mean so much to me and this experience would be a million times better if I could see you all or talkto you everyday, the way i used to. I miss you all so much!!!!!!

gritschck @ 2006-09-07T13:22:00

2006-09-07T17:39:13Z

So it actually happened. I'm actually here living the dream. Well not everyones dream but it has been mine for so long that I don't know what else I would do if i did not do this. To be totally honest I'm terrified. I'm standing out on a limb and there is no net and no one trying to pull me back. I' pretty much totally alone which is a first for me since I am usually surrounded by people I am familiar with, and I love. Now I'm a continent away with an ocean separating me from everyone and everything that is familiar ad safe. The what if? scenarios run through my head like scenes from a movie and my own fears hold me back in more ways than I can say. To be frank about it, I am just now beginning to realize that everything I used to take for granted, is everything that I long for now. I never knew I would love a place so much. I miss the familiarity of my town, my university, my home. I miss the people who were always there for me. I know they are still there but I cannot lean on them the way I used to. Not that that's a bad thing but I miss the safeness.
I don't want to make it sound like this whole experience is awful. It's not. I really love the town I'm in and it's been a fairly good experience so far. But i'm only just now appreciating home and I want to go back with my newly opened eyes. But i guess I have more to learn here and so I have to stick it out. Classes start soon so maybe that will help. I don't know. For now, I just miss home and everyone who made it so special to me.

Good advice...

2006-05-02T04:08:25Z

Do not read letters from, look at pictures of, or read old journals about ex-boyfriends. ESPECIALLY when you are feeling lonely. AAAAHHHH!!! I should just burn all this shit! I can be so stupid sometimes.

Response...

2006-03-25T00:30:27Z

First of all, if I snapped I'm sorry but you all were being extremely loud and I had a huge headache. Second of all, I could have asked Autumn because she is free that hour but you said you were staying so I didn't ask her. You were not clear so that is your fault. Last week when I actually got off work early I had every intention of taking a nap, which is a luxury I am hardly ever afforded, but instead I did you a favor and did a job i HATE, I did not get my nap and when I got done you weren't even there anymore, so excuse me for thinking that you would stay for a half an hour today. As for "blowing off my responsibility", I had to take care of something that was of great importance. I do not avoid working at the SAC because I actually ENJOY working at the SAC. I had something to take care of and it was not pleasant but I did it because that is what I do. Sometimes I have to do things that I don't like to do, and I don't like to leave work early but I had to. Give me a fucking break. Also, the next time you have something to say to me, say it TO me and not on the internet. I mean, I know that you have forgotten that a lot of people exist but you do practically live here so you would think you could find the time to say something to me. Shove THAT were the sun don't shine!

I am so on the ball

2006-03-22T05:48:04Z

So tonight I have showered, shaved, done laundry, studied for a test, made up flash cards for that test, folded clothes, changed the sheets on my bed, taken out my trash, balanced my checkbook, paid all of my bills (somehow I still have money in my account), blow dried and straightened my hair, and still have had time to eat some cheesecake. Is it possible that I have gotten my act together? Is it possible that I am a grown up now. I am sitting here because I cannot think of anything else to do. OMG!!!! I actually have five free minutes before I go to bed. I actually have time to write a journal. Hello world! I actually exist here again! So huge things happening in my life of the two largest, I can't really talk about one. However, I did get the news last week that next year, for 2 semesters, I will be in Caen France!!!!! It's in Normandy, about 2 hours away from paris. Guess where I'll be spending every weekend, and all my money!!! Omg, this is so huge for me. My mom said that the first time I mentioned living in France, I was 4. 4 years old and I knew what I wanted to do and now I am actually doing it!!!!! Congratulate me folks. I have arrived!

Sick

2006-02-10T05:42:33Z

Omg, my head is going to explode and my eyes are going to pop out of my head. I HATE being sick. And the worst part is I'm out of medecine and I can't get any until tomorrow. I hate this.

Stolen from the big bro...

2006-02-10T01:10:44Z

1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
I say hi to him when I pass him in the halls but other than that not really.

2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?
have a whole lot of ice cream

3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
the oldies with my dad

4. What is the best thing about your job?
it pays pretty well and i get to work with 4 really good friends

5. Do you like more than one person right now?
lets not get into that.

6. Are you against same sex marraige?
not at all. fair is fair.

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
I have no idea

9. Do you feel sad now?
yes but it won't change so I just have to get over it.

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
mostly new but I do stay in touch with some special old ones

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
nope

13. If you could be an animal what would you be?
i guess a horse or a bird. prolly a bird. fast travel.

14. What state/country are you from?
Louisiana baby!!!!!!!

15. Tell us about the last conversation:
convo with the bro asking him if he wants to work out tonight.

16. Where do you see yourself in one month?
Hopefully skinnier, healthier, and goin to France!

17. What is your favorite smell?
prolly mom's cooking. although axe cologne on the right guy is nice.

18. What is your favorite sight?
i couldn't possibly pick something. I have a lot of favorite sights

19. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
no. that's a random question

21. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworker?
Not that they didn't deserve

22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
No, never have

23. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle?
Yes, with fantastic results

24. Have you ever Toilet papered someone's house?
no

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
All the time

26. Have you ever gone camping?
Once when I was 5. I was scared that the bears would get me the whole time

27. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's friend?
Ummmm. I will not answer that one... ever.

28. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
yes

29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?
that is an awfully personal question. no

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
sort of. he was a freaky guy in grade school and still is.

31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yes... many times

32. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
Yes, especially during funny movies or when my brother is being funny.

33. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober person?
Yes, let's not go there

34. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes

35. Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
which best friend and which time?

36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
Yes, I used to all the time, but now that Im on my own I can tell them the truth about most things.

37. Have you ever been out of the US?
Yes, to Britain in the summer of 02 with the fam and then again in the summer of 04 to France!

38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
nope

39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
No

40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day?
yeah, usually on vacation.

42. Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?
I don't think I've ever been that desperate

43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
No. I've never really worked with anyone I would sleep with. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

44. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Yes

45. Who was the last person you kissed?
again, let's not go there. thinking about that kinda makes me sad now.

46. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours?
I can't remember

47. Have you ever been to jail?
No.

48. Who is your best friend(s)?
My big bro is the only one I can name. I'm afarid of naming people and others getting mad. BTW, my bro did not name me on this question which saddens me.

49. Have you ever stolen anything?
Yes

50. Have you ever drank egg nog?
No, and I never want to

51. Have you ever had a crush on a friends parent?
Sean, I have seen your dad in his tighty whities, so I would have to say that's the closestI'll ever get.

52. Have you ever gotten mad because you weren't on someone's top 8 on myspace?
not mad but I have noticed it.

53. What is your worst fear?
I'm not afraid of anything

54. Have you ever watched a movie 5 times in a row?
Probably but i can't remember right now.

Bored again...

2006-02-08T13:34:17Z

EVERYONE HAS THEIR FIRSTS:

First real best friend: Leah
First school: Strathmoor Preschool
First Cell phone: I shared a crappy phone with my mom in high school.
First funeral: Grand-dad on my dad's side when I was 4.
First pet: Ladybug the dog
First piercing/tattoo: I got my ears pierced when I was 12, and I got a tattoo when I was 18.
First big trip: My whole extended family on my mom's side went to Gulf Shores when I was 3.
First flight: to Washington D.C. I won an essay contest and got to go to the Holocaust Museum when I was 14.
First celebrity love: Leonardo DiCaprio
First time out of the country? Europe when I was 17.
First job: Ice Cream Palace when I was 16.
First MySpace friend? Tom, and then Brittany.

EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS:

Last person you hugged: Brit
Last car ride: Home from the center last night
Last time you cried? I never cry (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)
Last movie you watched: Groundhog Day (on Groundhog Day)
Last food you ate: jello
Last person of the opposite sex that you talked to: Dad
Last item bought: Coffee
Last shirt worn: gray bellarmine shirt
Last phone call: Justin
Last text message: Mom
Last thing you touched: The keyboard or the cup of coffee.
Last Funeral: My great aunt.
Last time at the mall: With Brit a few days ago.
Last time you were excited about something: Can't remember. I'm not easily excited.
Last person you saw besides your family: My boss Laura
Last thing you drank: Coffee
Last Person that broke your Heart: Let's not get into that. I'm still dealing with it.
Last time you were really honestly happy: Probably over the weekend watching serena.

Announcement to all...

2006-01-29T23:32:51Z

I have officially accepted the fact that I am a jerk magnet. If there is a jerk in a 100 mile radius, and I am not aware that he is a jerk, I am completely attracted to him. However, once I realize he is a jerk I stay away from him. My problem is sometimes not realizing they are jerks until too late. Please, all my friends out there, do not introduce me to any jerks. I will like them and waste my energy on them. Why can't I find a nice guy? I am beginning to think they don't exist. At least I've never met one.

Waitng for a phone call so... why not?

2006-01-26T23:52:10Z

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
My left arm close to the wrist. Some people think I tried to cut but I was actually pulling a pan of cookies out of the oven and the pan slipped. It bled for weeks.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Movie posters from Breakfast at Tiffany's and Sixteen Candles. A calendar with some hotties on it, several Orlando Bloom posters, a Mike Super poster and as many pictures of France I can find.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
kinda bulky with different silver tones.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Everything--jazz, pop, rock, metal, a little hip-hop and country, jazz... the list goes on.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
9:36am

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
What a nosey question! I respectfully refuse to answer.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
My parents, my dogs, my home, family members, certain feelings, certain foods, etc.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Kathleen but most people shorten it to Kate.

9. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:
Ab Fab, Gilmore Girls, Grey's anatomy, Desperate Houswives, Are you Being Served, As Time Goes By, Sex and the City, FRIENDS!

10. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
Maria

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
On the contrary, I embrace it.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Victoria's Secret Heavenly, and Axe for a guy

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO U LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Hair: dark and lucious
Eyes: any color but it has to make my heart flutter. I am a total eyes girl

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
COFFEE! is there anything else?

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni or cheese

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
cheese fries from OUtback or rafferty's, or fried rice from E-Ka

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I make everyone mad. I have that kind of personality. But i never do anything wrong so I don't know why people get mad. It's a mystery.

20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I am studying french and have studied spanish and german. languages are my life.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU:
Cindy Lee. I still have her and refuse to give her back.

22. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
Nosey again and again I respectfully decline.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
I have no idea. but if i am I haven't discovered it yet.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Victoria's Secret, New York & Co, etc.

25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
too many to name. Corvettes give me cargasms though.

26. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING NOW?
Jeans, a gray long-sleeved shirt, socks with a hole in the heel,and undies that match.

27. WHAT SONG ARE YOU CURRENTLY LISTENING TO?
Bitch by Meredith Brooks. One of many excellent songs on a mix cd my entity made for me.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
I always fall in love and they always leave. Pattern?

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Accept them and don't try to change them. And show them.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
69 (shocked anyone?)

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes always!

32. WHO IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Mom

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Hypocritical people. They are everywhere and I can't stand them!

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.S.?
Scotland, England, France. I have a thing about Europe!

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Chocolate, shopping, and movies, and men, musicians mostly.

37. FIRST JOB?
Summer nanny but my first taxed job was Hallmark.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Many times

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
dwelling on things that I ought to leave alone but won't.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
None. Accept me for my impoerfections along with my many perfections.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
I was bored and trying to get my mind off things.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Prolly my eyes and I would have to agree with those people. They are my best quality.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
I would never be able to drunk dial again. Maybe it's not such a bad idea.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have no idea. It's not till July and I rarely plan that far ahead.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
At least 2 and at most 6. I have to have even numbers.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My two wonderful grandmothers, Sarah and Sarah.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
every chance I get

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
My left ring finger, it holds a lot of promise for the future.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
I never cry, I whimper

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
rarely

51. WhaT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
nail biting, and prolly a lot more but that's the one people comment on the most.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
NSYNC, and Sisquo

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Absolutely

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Yes, but only to defend someone's actions

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
I have learned the painful way that they matter too much.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
I let it fester and then it bubbles out at once and at everyone.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
I have many second homes because to me... home is wherever my mom dad and brother are.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Absolutely not. It leads to pain.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Cindy Lee

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
close to 100

62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No.. never( sarcasm dripping with every word.)

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Nope

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
I used to look for guys who excited me and could always entertain me. Now I look for guys who have similar interests, are funny, and smart. I also look for guys who seem true and good. I'm looking for a guy who will support me and be there for me when the dreams all fall apart and harsh reality is all that's left.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Gert, Stan, Kate, Sarah Kate, etc.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
not if I can help it

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
mint chocolate chip

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
red, black, white, blue, purple

73. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND?
Metallica

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
I still have 4. They are fully grown in and I get to keep them. I need all the wisdom I can get!

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
No. There are some questions that should be left unanswered.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
white rice with pepper and salt

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Maria

79. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
eyes. Did I mention that I have a thing about guys eyes?

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:
musicians, rap music, moldy fruit (it's just gross)

82. FAVORITE DRINK:
Coffee, coffee, and more coffee

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Cancer is my most and least favorite(It's a love hate thing.)

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
volleyball or softball

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Brown

86. EYE COLOR?
No faves but I have hazel.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
when I can't afford contacts which is a lot lately.

88. SIBLINGS?
1 big brother. Who needs more? Big bros are the BEST!

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
December

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Never had it never want to

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Will & Grace before I went to bed last night.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
December 24 and 25. I'm a Christmas freak.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Did it once and had a bad experience. Will never do it again unless I am sure of the outcome beforehand

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Kisses!!!!!!!!

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
I hate to say it because it has always screwed me over but... relationships.

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
i don't really care

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
same answer as before

99. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I think so but I'm not sure.
~~~~

Do you remember the first time?
It depends on what first time you are asking about, but I remember most of my firsts.

1. Who was your first love?
Brian broke me into love and Kris was my all consuming live. I hope to never have either one again. I want lasting love .

2. Who was your first kiss and when?
That is not specific enough and I cannot answer.

3. Who was your first prom date?
I went stag to both proms (that's the way it should always be. Dates get in the way of the fun)

4. Who was your first roommate?
my brother. we shared a room until I was five.

5. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?
Smirnov Ice, mimosas, bourbon, white wine. I now just stick to bourbon and smirnov ice.

6. Who was your first sexual partner?
What is your definition of Sexual? (thanks for that perfect answer Kacy!)

7. What was your first job?
babysitting and Hallmark

8. What was your first car?
don't own a car

9. When did you go to your first funeral?
Mimi.

10. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
I was 8

11. Who was your first grade teacher?
I can't remeber but I know she had dark curly hair.

12. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Orlando Florida

13. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with?
I went to Village 8 on a blind date and it was awful!!!!!!

14. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
Erica Nooning

15. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?
My brother..and yes

16. Who was the first person to send you flowers, or who was the first person that you sent flowers to?
both answers are my mom

17. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house?
Bellarmine

18. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
Mom

19. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid?
I've never been a bridesmaid.

20. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
try to think of a reason to get up and out of bed.

21. What was the first concert you ever went to?
Louisville Pipe Band baby!

22. What was your first major surgery?
I've only had a few minor surgeries in my mouth.

23. First tattoo or piercing?
Ears

24. First celebrity sighting?
Orlando Bloom. Yes he is hotter in person.

25. First celebrity crush?
Absolutely Eric from the Little Mermaid

Two roads...

2006-01-19T03:26:55Z

So many things running through my brain lately. It's so much easier to be quiet. To keep it to myself. I hate closing my eyes to go to sleep for fear of leaving myself alone with my thoughts. My future is more uncertain than ever and my past is rapidly slipping away from me for reasons beyond my control.
On nights like tonight, when I close my eyes I see two roads. One I've traveled before that is simple, uncomplicated, and safe. It's so well worn with my own footprints that I want to go down it every day. A jog down this road would be peaceful and quick with its results. At the end of it is someone I recognize, with a huge smile on his face. He is so proud of me for the first time. That just makes this road more enticing.
The other road is less worn, I've never been down it before. But there are people all along the sides, cheering me on. People who know about the other road and people who don't. This road is uphill and the hill is steep. The road seems to never end and there are twists and turns all along the way. I can see trails off to the sides that lead to the easy road and I am so tempted to go down them. But I know that the other road I would have to jog down alone and on this road there are so many familiar faces rooting for me. People who I want to be proud of me. I hate knowing that I have to choose and knowing that there are good and bad things about both roads. I know which road I SHOULD take but sometimes it's very appealing to jog alone.
These are just some of the things that I've been thinking about for a while. I would make this a private journal but I don't know how to do that yet and my real journal is at home. So I'm just putting this all down to get it out.

Back at school...

2006-01-09T17:49:05Z

Well, I'm back, and it wasn't as bad as I expected. I guess a month really does make a difference. Things are different, at least for me.

Pissed off Sarah returns....

2006-01-04T18:05:17Z

That does it! I'm sick of trying! I'm sick of all of it! I thought I could rise above it and be the better person but fuck it!!! Obviously he's 12 and I'm a pedophile! Whatever! I give the fuck up!!!!!! I am not putting myself out there anymore!!! It's too fucking hard and I have too much other stuff to focus on. So fuck him! I'm better than that! I always was. THAT STUPID MOTHER FUCKER COULDN'T SEE THE GREAT PERSON I AM IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok. Venting is over now. Go about your business folks and let's not mention this ever again. I am so ashamed and so stupid and it's gonna stop. That piece of shit doesn't exist anymore.

Producers...

2005-12-31T04:44:53Z

I just got back from seeing the Producers with Bri and I have to say it was hilarious. I would pay to go see it again. However, it brings up this very important question... Why can't we all burst into song all the time, not just in movies? I think it would really help us all get our emotions out and be more honest with each other. Also, it would make life a lot more... harmonious. Besides, everyone would be way more toned with those big dancing numbers. Honestly, the world would be a better place. We would totally be able to find osama because he would be singing about how his plan didn't work. There would never be any wars because the musical numbers would be too big and there would be no room for guns. Just ponder on it for a while folks. I think it would help the whole world. Maybe even prevent us from doing stupid stuff when martians take over your body. I know only one person will get that but it makes sense... trust me. Night all.